TianJin the city that should have had the Expo!

I can now say that I have been on the fastest intercity train in the world.  Reaching speeds of 332km/h I was far away from Beijing only to arrive...in Newcastle?...sorry, I was in Paris, no wait I was in an Italian Style Village.  Where the shit am I?  Did I reach speeds on the bullet train that actually took me to another country? Continent? Planet?

Silly me, I'm just in Tianjin.  A nouveau riche city which is 30 minutes from Beijing on the bullet train.  After walking across a spectacular train station you find yourself staring down a river, one way you can find the Eiffel Tower perched on top of a building that displays a 'Cosco' sign, the other way is the Millennium Bridge which Newcastle, UK made famous spanning the River Tyne.  Slightly further down the road, across from the Wal-mart, there are directions that will lead you to an 'Italian Style Village'.  All the money that was funnelled into Shanghai for the Expo seems a bit of a waste when the world was already waiting in Tianjin.  The personality of the city  is exuberant and eager.

We did manage to find the Ancient Culture Street which is delightfully tack and terrific tourist trap which is better then any I have found here in Beijing to date.   After a long day of window shopping, Emma and I found ourselves relaxing on plastic Budweiser patio chairs, under Harbin beer umbrellas, drinking Tsingtao beer.  All in all, it was the perfect Saturday.

Pick a language, any language!

A normal morning includes countless stops on the way down the elevator with way too many people crammed into a little space, which is really the Chinese way.

This morning, I wasn't expecting anything different.  A man got on the elevator and was very quick to ask me where I was from.  Before I even finished saying Canada, he was speaking French: 

'Parlez-vous francais?'
'Oui?'

And that was that.  The whole elevator ride was spent speaking in French.  I was digging and scrambling to come up with words that I had long forgotten about and replaced with Mandarin words, of  course.  Turns out this guy works for Peking University, which he kindly reminded me, several times, is the best University in China.  He teaches a course called 'Branding' as in Nike and Ralph Lauren and Coca-Cola.  One point that he liked to discuss was my faux Chloe bag.  Good thing I didn't show him my Marc Jacobs wallet...probably wouldn't have gotten work today.  I am proud to say that the whole conversation was in French even though I was digging to the deeps crevasses of my brain to come up with words, some of the lingo I'm not sure I even know in English!  Our conversation moved through interesting topics like marketing, branding and capitalism in China.


This was one of the most spectacular conversations that I have had with a Chinese person.  The interesting thing about China is that the more educated you are, the more prejudice you are.  It's a strange concept to a Westerner but it makes sense, just have a think...
The last time that the Chinese government was faced with a rebellion, it was students who were the rebels.  How do you fix that problem?  You teach students, grasshoppa.  You teach them how great China is; how great the government is; how great all Chinese are.  You teach them that everything from the West is bad; how wrong we all are; what evil comes from the West (more specifically America...but not Canada which is marginally better than America - thankfully). They openly use the term 'propaganda' when talking about these things.  The don't see a problem with it.  In fact, most communities have 'Propaganda Boards' littered about (and what I wouldn't give to read them bad boys!).  All of these teachings, does create some problems when speaking to people because most people that can speak English are educate and are bombarded with the fact that we are all but evil and only good for practising English.  I would like to note that this is a generalization and there are of course some people here that are not at all like that, I know because I call them my 'friends'.

This man that I spoke with had open, honest and most importantly, realistic points of view on China, the West and the economy.  He was educated and spoke 4 languages and had a calm presence that I haven't felt in I don't know how long.

At the end of the French conversation he asked: 'Can I call on you some time to practice my English?'

Chinese Goods are for Export ONLY

As most of you know, it was recently my birthday.  We had a massive celebration in my class.  Full with a mountain of food brought in by the kids, who then made another mountain dumplings.....oohhh yeah!

I even got presents!  A great little surprise, if you ask me.  All of the kind folks that got me a present let me know that these presents were top quality and made in Korea.  None of these people seem to want to be associated with their own products.  Even in the fake markets, all of the products are "straight from Hong Kong!" (hey, it might seem like the same country but you have to go through immigrations to get there even when you are already in China).

I even got a lovely plastic souvenir key chain from Singapore...Made in Korea.

NEW POLL! When in China, do as the Chinese do

I am technically on a Cultural Exchange Program.  I came in search of whatever bits of history has escaped the Cultural Revolution of the last century, for pearls of wisdom direct from Confucius disciples and learning what it is like to live in a modern communist China.  I ended up with tourist traps for whatever bits of history is left in Beijing, Confusion, and Capitalism.

Obiviously, China is not what I expect but I'm resiliant and I can roll with the punches.  People either love or hate Westerners and if they love us then they real love us!  They try to copy everything that is Western and they hyperize it and turn it into some sort of cartoon version of what once was.  They are always trying to be whiter, they wear anything with a designer label, and they will buy cars for the status of owning a car, just to prove that they can.

One of the side effects of this is that there is this Bedazzled middle class that like to show off what they've got.  From shoes to nails to t-shirts to underpants all of it is Bedazzled and all of the folks who wear anything Bedazzled are Masters of the Ghetto Fab style.  This means having eyelash extensions...

so, do i do it?  Do I act like most of the other girls in my 'hood and get the fake eyelashes? Or is that too risky?  I'm going to end up going blind?  Or do you think that I'll look like a hooker gone wrong (which would be hilarious)? 

A Homecooked Meal?

It is hard to dine out in Beijing.  The most glaringly obvious reason for that being that I can't read the words so I have no idea what I'm getting.

It's always fascinating to see how other cultures interpret other cultures food.   Like Westerners misinterpreting Chinese food, the Chinese have misinterpreted Western food.  Of course there are McD's (which offers 24h delivery) here but there are way more Pizza Huts and KFC.  Just about every corner has one or both of them.  With an itch for some home-y food I ventured off to Pizza Hut for what they promote as 'Erotica Pizzas'.  My tastes have changed since being here and it was what I needed but still it wasn't quite right.  The cheese was, well, not so much cheese and the crust was bang on for a Jacob's cream cracker and there were some canned peaches involved.

Take 2 at Western food.  Round the corner from Pizza Hut is the latest fusioin style restaurants The South American Restaurant and German Microbrewery.  Not a combination that I would have instinctively put together but it sound like a combo I'd like to have a crack at!  I'm thinking Argentinian steak and a beer.  Now that's good food!  A 20 minute wait...good start.  Means that there is good food.  They take us up stairs to our seats (right beside the window so we are on display) and they and us a menu.  This lovely restaurant has less then 20 things on the menu all of which seem to involve chicken feet, pork belly, pickling or a combination of all three.  There is nothing South American or German about this place.

In a last ditch effort to find something that isn't Chinese, we found a Turkish restaurant.  It turns out to be some of the best food I have had since being here.  The tomatoes are of perfect ripeness, the falafel is perfection and, best of all, there's no pork.   Our meat of choice is a lamb kebab, juicy and tender, it is nothing short of delicious.  We meet one of the owners and we mention that we wanted a break from Chinese food and the meal was more than we hoped for.  The owner thanks us and says he felt the same way, which is why he opened the restaurant.  Beijing food starts to taste the same after awhile but this was the change that we had searched for.

Democracy for all!

It has been brought to my attention that the 'Brothers and Sisters' post might be misconstrued by the Chinese Governement.

What do you think?  Should I take it down?  Blogs are for free speech.  But, then again, I live in China.

I'm the Britney Spears of China

When I first arrived in my neighbourhood, I quickly gained celebrity status.  I was the red haired girl walking around in the snow with a spring jacket on. The Chinese, whose hobbies include: tai chi, fan dancing, horking and gawking, loved me.  They would stop what they were doing just to watch me saunter by.

One bored  Friday night with nothing to do and a bottle of wine in hand, my flatmates and I decided that it was a good idea to dye my hair and not with just any dye.  No, that would be to easy.  I couldn't just go down to the local Wu-Mart and pick up one of the any 32 shades of black that are available, which, by the by, is the only colour available.  I had to use the boxed bleach that was left behind in our apartment and had been sitting in the cupboard for who knows how long, with the directions written in every Eastern European language you can think of (no English).  This turned my hair a nice fluorescent yellow, which then faded into orange and finally a lovely pink that only 'punk' teenagers straight outta the suburbs would pay to have their look like.  I was a piss-poor imitation of a sunset.  But with my celebrity status in the local area starting to waiver, this definitely bumped it up.

That was about 2 months ago.  Lately, my status has been hovering around the boredom line and the Chinese aren't even moving out of my way when I walk by anymore, clearly, something needed to be done.  In come the hot weather!  If you tell me that the Government here flicked a switch on May 1st, and turned up the heat and humidity outside, I would believe you.  But only because this is China and they turn off the heat when they want so what's stopping them from turning it on?  The shift in weather has lead to me walking around in less clothing, obviously.  I wear my capris and tank tops/vests and the scandal of wearing less clothes has caused a right ruckus.  Like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, the Holy Trinity of Cooch Flashing, and who peel off an article of clothing when UsWeekly went a week with out their picture on the cover, my status sky rocketed to staggering new heights.  I don't think I can go any higher than this...it's going to be a long fall down if I'm not careful.

Kids like Thomas the Tank Engine, Lightning McQueen the Car, and Sandie the Motorboat.

Today, I got motorboated by a 2 year old...nuff said.

The Warriors in the Cupboard

As most of you know, I went to Xi'an for my birthday.  Of course, being a big fan of history, I went to see the warriors!  I've always wanted to see them.  My Uncle John has a life size warrior hanging out in his living room.  My means only allow my the pocket size warriors which are safely stored in my cupboard.

Votes for China! Votes for China!

I work at an International Kindergarten which means that they are suppose to have a flavour that is distinctly not Chinese. They promote things like democracy, which sounded a bit dangerous at first. Democracy in China, is this something that I really want to get into? But quickly, I realize that they don't quite understand the concept of democracy, just yet anyways. They know that it involves voting, but then whatever the Headmistress wants to do, it overrides whatever the vote decides.

I've taught my kids how to vote. They love it! I'm changing the face of China and if anyone has the name of an International Human Rights Lawyer could they kindly forward me their contact information. Everyday they want to vote something, if not everything, what we do, what game we play, what the weather is like outside.

There are also such things as Experimental Kindergartens here in China. I'm not too sure what it means but the students inevitably, end up at the Normal Univeristy.

Chinese Ganstas

For my older kids, Every day I have to teach them a new sentence. This used to be the hardest part of my job. All the sentences are suppose to be able to help them learn about Western, or more specifically American, culture but after getting scolded for teaching 'How do you do?' because it was too 'colonial', I changed my tactics. I choose to teach them the classics. Meaningful, deep and poetic lyrics written by the likes of Run DMC, the Sugar Hill Gang, Rolling Stones and in an ode to my dear friend Kelly, the Beastie Boys. They are getting the hang of it and are taking a real liking to Run DMC...video will be posted shortly.

Brothers and Sisters

Teaching in Beijing is an experience unto itself.

The last few weeks have lead to many surprises. My kindergarten has been bought out by an Australian company which has lead to us uncovering a scam but in the end, we're getting more money. We've had one girl bite the dust, or sand if you will, and we've got a new teacher in. I've lost kids, and got new kids and had kids that were apparently there the whole time just magically appear. Going to school here isn't exactly a requirement.

I teach the oldest and the youngest kids in the school. All together I have 42 students, if they show up. Out of those students 9 of them openly have siblings, 2 of which attend the same school. I'm surprised that I'm surprised that my kids have siblings. You can get around anything here in China as long as you know the right people and have money. A second child can set you back at least 10,000 yuan which is a astronomical for some. Wouldn't you hate to be the second child born? Imagine having that hanging over your head. And even after the fine, some siblings are banished to the country side where they are to be peasants.

Some kids have brothers and sisters that live in America or Canada and they have plans to follow when they have graduated from this school. The great thing about kids is that you can ask them intrusive questions and they won't question your motives. I ask about their family abroad: when do they get to see them? What do they do in North America? When are they coming to visit China? The most interesting answer comes from m brightest student, a little girl who slides between Mandarin, English and German so easily and gently that you might mistake them as one language. She said that her older sister stays in America because "she isn't allowed to be in China" but she'll see her in 3 years when she turns 9 years old and she can move to Seattle to live with her.

Hi everyone!

Yes, I have started a blog! There is too much wackiness in Beijing to be confined to a couple of emails. We'll see how this goes and if anyone has any thoughts or objections then or are planning on ridiculing me for being completely self centered, please feel free to post you comments below.

Otherwise, I guess I should get started...